Back Story: The past few weeks Tony and I have been dealing with increasing defiance from Tucker. “Hey Tucker, can you help vacuum?” “No. It’s a free country I don’t have to.” Another battle has been breakfast in the mornings. “There isn’t anything to eat, we have no food in our house.” Yesterday – he told Tony that he was eating breakfast at school from now on. That is fine with us. We will pay for your breakfast at school, but that means you will be missing out on the breakfast foods here. Up until last week, he was earning allowance by vacuuming and unloading the dishes once a week, setting the table for dinner and just helping out in general, equaling $4 for the week. This week, when Tucker told me “no” he wasn’t going to vacuum, I met him with a challenge. 1) Either work as part of our family to help each other in daily responsibilities (i.e. dishes, putting your laundry away, vacuuming, meals) or 2) Be responsible for only yourself (i.e. your own meals, your own dishes, your own laundry, etc). After I explained Tucker’s options – he wanted some time to weigh them out. Freedom was sounding pretty good to him. I explained to Tucker, I would give him enough food for the next 7 days, a laundry basket, and a set of dishes/utensils and he could be responsible for only himself and not have to help out around the house for the next week.
Tucker choose option #2.
When Tucker got home from school today there was a pile of food with his name on it and price tags of what the items cost so he could exchange them for similar priced items in the house. Items include: bread, pasta, after school snack bars, soups, and other canned goods like tuna & chicken. He has one fork, one spoon, one bowl, one plate, and one pot, and oh yeah: one bath towel, all with his name on them. He even had the opportunity to add any foods or items that he thought he would need after reviewing his stock pile. The rules: You can eat any of the fresh, frozen, and canned fruits and vegetables in the house. You can exchange any of your foods for like items of similar value if they are ok’d. You have full kitchen privileges to cook your food: stove, microwave, toaster and counter space. If you leave a mess in one of these areas, and someone has to clean up after you, you will lose kitchen privileges altogether. Any food items that are not considered “necessities” or part of the food guide pyramid are only available if you purchase them with you own money (i.e. desserts, snack foods, condiments, etc).
Throughout the house there are little reminders: “Family Dishes, please use your own.” “Family Towels, please use your own.” “Family Food, please ask to make exchanges.”
Day One: Tucker discovered how very small the portions are at the school breakfast and commented on the bowl size by holding his hands together thumb to index finger in a circle, “and they only fill it half way up with cereal?!” For dinner he decided to make rice noodle soup and have vegetables. As he was looking in the fridge he decided there were a lot more food items that he wished he would’ve chosen. As I got my camera ready Tucker told me, “I am going to look back at these pictures and think “remember when my parents challenged me to take care of myself?!” HA. I just laughed – what a great outlook for the week already. And the results we were hoping for at the end of our trial: for Tucker to grasp some concept of what it takes to take care of one’s self without someone always having to ask, and hopefully be willing to pitch in a little more to make family chores and everyday responsibilities a little easier.
The realization… “Can I have butter?” “Is it on the food guide pyramid?” “Huh…” Tucker reached up for a glass – “Family dishes, please use your own.” Tucker heading to the shower, “do you have your towel?” “It’s all wet from the pool. And my pants were on top of it, so its soaked.” “Huh… I guess you could wash it. Too bad you didn’t hang it up when you got home…”
On the funny side, Tucker also looked down at his soup bowl while he was eating and smirked. I knew exactly what he was thinking. “Hey, now I have two bowls!”
Both Tony & I are really proud of Tucker, and are really excited to see what unfolds this week. We were both getting really tired of having to ask Tucker to do daily responsibilities and then being met with defiance. Have you showered today? Did you feed your animals? Did you get your clothes put away? Brush your teeth? Get something to drink? Every day! The same things. Over and over and over again.
Tucker is wanting his independence, but hasn’t yet shown he is responsible enough. We are hoping this will be a step towards earning that independence. And also towards appreciating how much easier it is to work together to accomplish menial chores around the house.
This is Day One.
By the way, Tucker's dirty dishes are sitting on the table where he ate dinner. The vegetables got put away. Left his soaking wet x2 towel on the floor. Tucker showered (twice today - I think he forgot he showered at the pool!), brushed his teeth and got to bed right after 8:30 tonight. Not too bad for a first day.
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